biibii the body !

this like the 234324th nigga that done lied on they dicks about me .
biibii the body though ? bahahahahahaa !

always be .

he said we'll always be . til death do us part . ( sigh ) , Lord give me a visible, apparent, thorough sign if this is meant to be .

I Only Wanted to Make You Happy , #thepast .

, I feel ax if I stooped lower than low, soo many times lately I wondered how it would be if I just wasn't here on Earth . sounds mad stupid, but I did consider killing myself . then I realized that I was made for someone, I was made w.a purpose . almost a year w.you, but FUCK IT I wasn't made for yu .

yu made me into a woman, but couldn't allow ya damn self tah take on the role ax a man , then got the nerve tah ask me do I wanna eat the man :| . how boud yu eat a knife && choke on the shxt yu belligerent axx bxtch of a man ! yu can have tiara kenzye aaliyah wtfever else eat the man, but yu eat these f.cking letters on ya screen, fuck you, fuck everythang we had, fuck the future, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you ! I promise on my grandma yu will not heart from me again, I don't ever wanna see yu, ever wanna feel yu, ever wanna hear yu, I don't love yu, don't need ya, can't f.cking stand yu no more !

don't both tah text b.ck && if yu do know that I won't even satisfy yu by arguing b.ck . I normally would take the last word, but this ongoing cycle is over, so say whatchu feel cusz idgaf . thanks for the good fuck, loved it . getting a new number so yu won't even have tah deal w.me actually after this very message . sad when yo own friends tell me that I deserve better smh , any who yu have a nice, productive life && I'll do the same . it is what it is, fuck what it was . fuck how a bxtch feel, fuck how it all turns out . this number is disconnected as of now, deuces biotchhhhh ! love always, biibii` !

let it go girl .

. there are these times when I question existence . sometimes I really wonder why it is that I'm living ? my self worth level isn't the highest , and I don't recommend anyone to fuck with me when my heart is under construction . I seriously have to go on a no men cleanse in order for me to fully restore myself . all that's resurfacing is anger, pain, hurt, and deceit . I blame myself for allowing myself to scoop right back down . it's my fault, this is what I get for backtracking . I was on my way to reconstruction, and I went back to fuck up some more shit . I fucked him yet again . Fifth and last time too . He asked me who pussy was this, and my silly self let " yours " spill from my lips, knowing damn well that this belonged to my husband . whoever that may be . it's sad when your own friends tell me that I deserve better, kinda remind me of Me, Myself, & I song , haaa .

just sent the worst text message I've ever sent to anyone , I'm gonna do the honor && type it up . just a letter written to my past , spoken word .

I can't even remember my worth .

, I'm sorry to say but you just never were there . sex, drugs, you, and a couple of my friends all ruined my life . I hate how my life had to turn out . why couldn't I have just kept my virginity that night ? why did I have to believe so hard that you actually cared for me ? why did I have go off of what my so called friends told me ? why couldn't I have been smart enough ? && those select few questions that I'll always ask myself , " why her ? what does she have that I don't ? why me ? why did you lie ? " . I don't know my worth && I don't want to move on . I want you, because you just fed me so much . You gave me so much hope and you let me down with everything in you like I had always have been nothing to you . I was starting my own count down and the days were getting harder everyday, but I was committed . then you came back into my life with intentions of fucking and leaving me yet again . when the fuck will I learn ? we were not meant to be . I'm walking around here now gap legged and bleeding, but to no prevail, have I heard from Loudorion ? pssh nah ! where are you when I need you ? oh, oh thass right ! you're single . yet you're still asking me who pussy this is, and how it's the best that you've ever had . mhmmmmm , still talking to mad bitches, but you spending nights with me ? you just want MY love back ? oh, oh ohkayyy, I thought I was mistaken for a minute . I am talking about Loudorion Devonte Johnson right ? awww, yeah ohkayyy . ( nods ] .


so this countdown is starting right the fuck back over . no more sex, no more drugs, no more Lou, && when I get my new number it won't be passed on to you . fuck everything that you're made up to be, you've consciously hurt me over and over again the same fucking way . I don't understand why, and I'll always wonder why you just couldn't be there for me like I was for you . this is yet one of the hardest lessons in life that I've ever had to learn . a simple test, that I fail every time I get a fresh, new start . you always come back and put me right back in square one . I'm just gonna leave you be altogether . I won't hit you back when you text, I won't answer your calls, I won't add you on Facebook or Twitter, I won't do it anymore . So sick of saying the same fucking thing, I don't even believe in myself anymore . this shit is hard && I really want it to prosper . I just wanna move on . God please lead me in the right direction, I'm so tired of this road I've been taking for the past year . Lord, help me . I'm tired of hurting, I'm tired of paining, I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of hoping, I'm tired of wishing, I'm tired of dreaming, I'm tired of needing, I'm tired of being tired of everything . please help me , somebody pray for me . I need the strength, because I just feel like giving up on everything . life included . #resultsoflosingyourselfinaman .

my room .

Chillin’ in my bedroom
Wife-beater and my panties on
I just got a phone call
That you was out with your new girl
The nigga that I did love
Really kinda threw me off
Feel like I’m drowning in sorrow
Where is my lifeguard?


Fuck that new girl, that you love so bad
I know you still think about the times we had
I said fuck that new girl, that you think you found
But you calling me even when she’s around
I’m just saying, with me you had better
I know your boys have told you that lately
After me, you couldn’t find better
Notice that your new girl ain’t me (ain’t me, yeah)


Kisses from a rebound
She’s just a girl you keep around
I see all of your phone calls
But I don’t have the time to pick up no more
All the shit that we been through
And I admit it boy I miss you too
And I been sippin’ on this champagne
A little tipsy so I call you back to say


Fuck that new girl that you love so bad
I know you still think about the times we had
I said fuck that new girl that you think you found
But you calling me even when she’s around
I’m just saying, with me you had better
I know your boys have told you that lately
After me, you couldn’t find better
Notice that your new girl ain’t me (she ain’t B, yeah)


You gon be trippin’ when I’m at a party
You see these niggas lookin’ at my body
You wanna grab me when you see me leaving
Won’t take you back and I’ll give you the reasons;
I told you I’d leave, knowing I wanted to stay
You didn’t try, you let me walk away
Starting to think all niggas are the same
The look on your face tells me that you’re ashamed
Wanted to love you but now I’m afraid
You say you need me and how much you’ve changed
I don’t believe you, it could be just game
Trust isn’t something you give out, it’s gained


Didn’t wanna give up
Say you want me back now, got my feelings mixed up
I just wanna move on, I need someone that I can lean on
And it won’t be a nigga like you


I’m just saying with me you had better
I can’t even remember my worth
You tell me that I may have better
And you know…new girl ain’t me
She ain’t me


I’m faded…


Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you’d be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you’d die for me
Give to me, Give to me
Why won’t you live for me
Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me
There for me, there for me
Said you’d be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me
You said you’d die for me
Give to me, Give to me
Why won’t you live for me?
Where-where were you when I needed you?

backtracking .

smh , last night was crazy .

day five .

day five is probably like day two . I feel ax if I can't on any longer , and I feel ax if I can't breathe . however , I'm gonna do this && smile in the face of hurt from here on out .

boy you done fell in love with a dancer !

day four ,

everything is getting better . I'll be fine .